i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
