well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Randomize
