i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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