How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
