so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
