she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
