i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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