When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
