if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Randomize
