Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
so much tequila, so little girl.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
