Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
