Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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