Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I still have a little drunk in my system
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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