Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
