you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
