so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I am naked and annoyed.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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