dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
