think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
