btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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