I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
