Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
