You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
