I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
