I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
