The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
