he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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