Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
