You work out of a Hotel?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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