new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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