so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
