I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
