Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
