I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He shit in the fireplace
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
