Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
