Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
