I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
