You're so nebulous sometimes
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
