why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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