Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
