Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
