My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
