They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
