im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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