playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
