I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
