My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
