Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
