are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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