we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I will be naked everywhere
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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