Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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