I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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