his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
